-hard to read as a “reader” and not a “marker”
-pretty good content
-depth to the arguments presented; understands the nuances of the argument
-research is apparent
-there is a moral argument but that comes later
-enjoyed the article as a reader; felt is was ryhthmic
-looked for the sentence fragments because they were fun to read
-some of it was humourous
-needed a few more actual stats
-used a conversational style-if this was a final draft, would want the student to sound more academic
-need to know the audience and purpose for this piece
-looking for more support for the arguments
-had to turn off the “marker” in each of us
-we wondered if this was a girl or boy writing this piece
-voice is very strong in this piece; lots of familiar arguments are made but needs some technical support if this piece is going to be “published.”